


you are what you love, not who loves you

by orphan_account



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, aaron is an asshole but not as much as an asshole as he usually is, andrew is a criminal science major and neil is the cute barista he has a not crush on, au in which andrew never went to palmetto, everyone has issues but that's what makes them foxes, matt and dan are technically neils parents, neil josten swears a lot, nicky gets called out in various chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 14:01:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10698504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: andrew doesn't even drink coffee. yet he finds himself at a coffee shop with the tackiest orange and white paint in the history of paint.the neon signs read "the foxes' den" with a trail of pawprints flashing in a pattern that made it seem like they were walking away from whoever was reading the sign.andrew debates between entering or ending his life right then and there.(he opens the door anyways)





	you are what you love, not who loves you

**Author's Note:**

> ap·pe·ten·cyˈapədənsē/
> 
> noun
> 
> archaic
> 
> 1\. a longing or desire.

Andrew doesn’t even know how he found a coffee shop this gaudy.

He doesn’t even like coffee.

There’s a neon orange sign reading The Foxes’ Den with the tackiest fucking paw prints Andrew has ever seen flashing in a pattern that makes it look like they’re moving.

Not bad. Andrew knows kindergarteners who would have decorated it better, but it wasn’t shabby.

He looks down at his phone, where Renee had texted him this exact address, and wonders if this is part of some elaborate prank. If so, he had his knives for anyone who tried anything.

Sighing, Andrew pushed the door open and was met with the warm smell of vanilla and cinnamon, which almost made him not want to burn the entire place down. Renee waved at him from a table in the corner and he makes his way over, ignoring the stares pointed in his direction.

“I almost thought you weren’t going to make it!”, Renee jokes while tucking a strand of blue tipped hair behind her ear. “This place isn’t as well known as I thought it was, so I was praying you’d make it here.” Andrew offers her a smile, a quick quirk of the lips, causing her to beam.

Renee folds her hands in front of her. “I already ordered for both of us, although the barista looked at me weird when I told him i wanted the sweetest drink they had. I think he told his boss, because I’ve been getting weird looks ever since I sat down.”

Andrew reaches for him armbands, eyes glancing around for any security cameras. “I need names and faces, Renee.”

Renee, who looks a mix of slightly terrified and somewhat amused, lightly pulls Andrew’s hands away from his armbands with a sweet smile. “There’s no need for that, but thank you. In fact the barista I told was quite cute, so I think you’d regret killing him.” Andrew scoffs and shakes her hand off of his, reaching for his phone just as a barista in the front calls for a Renee Walker and an Andrew Minyard.

“That would be us!” She grabbed both of Andrew’s hands and pulled him up out of his seat and to the front of the cafe. “You’re paying by the way, since you and your sugar addicted habits cost me an extra $4.76.”

“Fine.”, Andrew grumbles, because there’s really no way to say no to Renee. Especially not after all she’s done for him.

The barista  at the corner is just finishing up on Andrew’s cup with a black sharpie, and Andrew almost has to do a double take. Thankfully, he keeps his mouth shut and his apathetic gaze in place. 

He’s short, not as short as Andrew though, and mostly legs and the most fucked up face he’s ever seen, especially as a criminal science major who specializes in fucked up things. His hair is an eye burning shade of auburn, shaved on the sides with a mountain of loose curls flopping into his eyes, and his tongue is ever so slightly sticking out of his mouth since he’s so concentrated on whatever the hell he’s doing with Andrew’s cup.

Renee clears her throat quietly, and the red haired barista looks up with a sheepish grin. “You must be Renee Walker!”

His nametag reads Neil, which somewhat fits his fiery red hair and icy blue eyes

Neil pushes an iced chai tea, Andrew can smell the spices from where he's standing,  across the counter, along with what looks to be a caramel toffee monstrosity in a plastic up, and at least three brownies wrapped in fox patterned wax paper. “That’ll be $15, even.” He grins and the gold ring in his septum glints in the artificial light of the cafe.

God, Andrew _really_ wants to punch something.

Without making eye contact with Neil and his ugly face, Andrew slides a $20 over the counter and mutters something about keeping the change before stalking back to his and Renee’s table.

“What’s wrong with him?”, Neil asks while putting the change from Andrew’s $20 into the tip jar. “Matt dressed me today so I shouldn’t look that bad.”

Renee laughed and dropped another $5 into the tip jar, smacking Neil’s hand when he tried to take it out. “Don’t mind Andrew. He isn’t really a people person and I think he’s a little burnt out from all the people here.” Neil rubbed his injured hand, scowling at Renee. His expression softened when he caught Andrew staring at him, eyebrows furrowed. Neil waves a little, and Andrew flips him the bird.

“Yeah. He’s definitely burnt out.” Neil grabs a slip of paper and scribbles something on it before shoving it into Renee’s hands. “As payment for your generous tipping, Matt is making me invite people to our place for movie night and now I’m making you come.” Neil jerks his head towards the curly haired barista cursing at the espresso machine. “I’ll be here since I’m the only one crazy enough to take the night shift, so Matt’s making me come back here to bring drinks back. So, you'll be stuck with my roommates for a while” He smiles sheepishly. "Hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. " Renee folds the paper into a neat square and tucks it into the pocket of her baby blue cardigan. “I’m sure Allison and Andrew would love to come, thank you Neil.” Neil smiles for a bit, then shoos Renee back to her table with her drink and a blueberry scone so he doesn’t get fired for poor barista skills, or as it says in the handbook, being a fuck off.

Renee walks back to where Andrew was sulking, tea in hand and feeling smug. Andrew glares at her and pulls the remaining brownies closer to his person with a snarl.

“Relax, Andrew.” She fishes the slip of paper out of her cardigan and tosses it to him. He lets it fall right next to the crumpled wax paper. “‘I got his number and address.”

Andrew takes a sip of his drink, making a face and grabbing for the container of sugar in the middle of the table. “Why and how does that concern me, if I may ask?”

Renee sits down, clasping both hands around the condensated outside of her tea. “You care because one, you have the worst crush on one of Matt’s best friends since college, and two, we’re going to his house for movie night.” Andrew listens, face still poised in a generally disinterested scowl as he tips the contents of the sugar container into his coffee.

“And three, you care because you’re coming.”, Renee finishes.

Andrew pauses, with the straw to his newly sugared concoction halfway to his lips. “I do not get crushes, Walker. The only crushing I do is of nose bones and the occasional shattering of wrist bones.”

Renee laughs and stirs a spoonful of honey into her tea. “You’re going with Allison and I, Andrew.”, she says, tone now serious. “Nicky told me you haven’t been social since Thanksgiving and we’re both really worried for you.”

“Yeah?” Andrew swallows the brownie he had shoved into his mouth. “Well, Nicky can mind his own goddamned business. I don’t need his mental problems stacked on top of mine like some sort of fucked up layer cake.” Andrew scoots his chair back and stands up, drink and brownies in hand. “I’ll come to your dumb movie socializing thing, but you better not yell at me when I show up with alcohol. It’s either that or we can have our monthly visit to the downtown police station a little earlier than usual.”

He gave her a two-fingered salute and stalked towards the exit. Neil looks back at her, eyes flitting between her and the closing exit door like a deer caught in headlights. He mouths something over a customer’s shoulder and Renee gives him a thumbs up and a reassuring smile. Neil then turns to relay the information to Matt, who smiles and ruffles Neil’s hair before going back to the now functioning espresso machine. Renee smiles to herself and pulls out her phone to tell Allison about a change in their nightly plans.

_ Tonight was going to be fun _ , she mused.

A little later on in time, Andrew had made it back to his apartment and was sitting in the small kitchenette he had yet to renovate. His now empty, caramel splattered, plastic cup faced him on the sheet white counter as he leaned on his forearms, eyebrows raised in somewhat interest,

The sun shone through a well crafted sketch of a fox. It’s teeth were bared and it was positioned in a low sort of crouch, prepping for an inexistent kill. 

Neil, as luck would have it, could actually turn out to be interesting. 

 

* * *

He should really stop listening to Matt’s ideas, Neil thought to himself as he yet again rearranged the cushions on the couch.

“Tell me again why we’re doing this? I mean, some of these people I haven’t even met. So, what’s with the big get-together?”, Neil asked Matt, who was in the kitchen more or less eating most of the snacks Dan had brought for their movie.

Matt popped his head around the corner of the kitchen, crumbs littering his face like stars. “Because, young padawan.”, he said around a mouthful of what sounded to be peanut butter, “The last time I’ve seen Allison, Nicky and his cousins, and Kevin in the same place was at Seth’s cremation. Plus, they have yet to meet my charming roommate!” Matt swallowed the remnants of the peanut butter stuck in his mouth and went back to pouring popcorn into a bowl.

Neil poked and prodded at the circular burns on his face, the touch fading in and out of numbness due to the nerve damage there. “I’m not exactly the most eye-catching person in the world, Matt.” He caught sight of the cross-hatching scars in his arms and pulled his sweater further down his forearms. “And if I am, it isn’t exactly for the best reasons.”

Dan, who was also in the kitchen, peeked over the breakfast bar, a perfectly arched eyebrow raised in suspicion. “That’s nonsense, Neil. Matt’s talked for hours on end about how if we hadn’t been dating for two years, he would’ve broken up with me for you. Which would be awkward considering all three of us live here together.” Dan moves to the side to dodge the fox-shaped salt shaker Matt threw at the back of her head. Neil dives with a pillow in hand to keep it from shattering on the leg of their tv stand, flashing Matt an irritated glare, which the taller boy returned with a sheepish grin.

“Attractive or not, I quite like the salt shakers.” Neil walked into the kitchen and placed the salt shaker back on the counter next to its matching counterpart. “So I would appreciate if you didn’t try to reduce them to a bunch of shards and such.” Matt and Dan sport matching guilty grins as Neil pushes the salt and pepper shakers farther into a corner away from his meddling roommates.

Neil walked back into the living room to put on his shoes. “I’m heading down to the Den to grab drinks and pick up the alcohol. If anyone comes looking for me, you have no idea who I am and my name is Stefan.” He grabbed his coat on the way out the door, shutting it quietly behind him.

“Honestly, Matt.” Dan sighed, stealing a tortilla chip from the bowl he had just fixed despite her boyfriend’s protests. “I really do wonder what happened to Neil that makes him so jumpy.” She followed the stolen chip by another, stuffing it into her mouth before Matt could steal it out of her hands. “He does that all the time, and it makes me worry that he really does believe something bad is going to happen to him every time he leaves the apartment.”

Matt leaned against the counter, facing Dan from where she sat at their kitchen table. “All I know is that Neil had a rough childhood. I’m not going to tell his business unless he wants me to.” He crossed the room and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, making Dan furrow her eyebrows. “All we have to do is respect him and his wishes.”

Dan nodded her head and slung an arm around Matt’s waist. “I just wish I could help, that’s all”

Matt pressed another kiss to her hair, smiling softly. “Same here, sweetheart. We just have to wait.”

* * *

Neil jogged along the familiar path to the Den, breath coming out in marshmallow colored puffs. It had been a while since he had trusted himself enough to go running without supervision, especially since he had been teetering on the edge of no self control ever since that night in Baltimore. The smell of melting flesh still haunted his dreams, and there were nights where he had to check to make sure his legs were still functioning before running even became an option. And if it was, would he ever stop? Would he run until he couldn’t anymore? Until his skin matched that of bleach white bones buried under sand and repressed memories? Until Chris, Alex, Stefan and everyone else he had ever been blended into one and he wouldn’t know who Neil Josten was until someone bled it out of him?

“Hey, idiot. Do you mind not hyperventilating in the middle of the sidewalk?” Neil looked up from where he had been crouched, _when did he stop jogging?_ , to see Renee’s friend standing above him. His face was passive, and he had a bottle of whiskey in one hands and the other shoved into his coat pocket.

“It was Andrew, right?” Neil brushed himself off the best he could for someone who had been seconds away from a panic attack and stood up on shaky legs. “I’m Neil, from yesterday.” Andrew only stared at him, obviously uninterested. Neil, sensing the panic crawling in his stomach, tugged at the ring in his nose, a nervous habit that had surfaced as soon as the piercing was old enough to withstand the pulling. Andrew’s eyes followed his movements, eyebrows raising ever so slightly.

“I know who you are, idiot. I’m physically incapable of forgetting anything, courtesy of my eidetic memory. What I don’t know, nor do I care about, is why you were seconds away from possibly cutting off your breath supply.” He screwed the cap off of his whiskey bottle and took a long sip, maintaining eye contact with Neil as he did so.

Neil scratched at the tangle of curls atop his head, shame heating his face. “It’s a long story.”

Andrew stared back at him, tongue darting out to lick whiskey off his lips. “I’ve got the time and the alcohol. Hell, I’ll even walk with you.”

Neil sighed, but began walking towards the Den anyways. “You ever heard of the Wesninski family, Andrew?”

Andrew fell into step with him, taking larger steps to match Neil’s long strides. “Yeah, enough to keep my head straight. What of it?”

“Well, my mom stole money from them a long time ago. She took me and the money with her and we ran from my father, who worked for the head of the Wesninkis.” Neil felt bad for twisting the truth, but it was the only way he could protect Andrew from digging to deep and sweeping the dust away from something that would hurt him. “We were on the run until I was at least 17. She died because of my father’s people, and ever since then it’s been just me. I haven’t heard from my dad nor his boss since then, but I’ve been laying low just in case. I guess I just got really paranoid about what could happen if they found me again.” Feeling Andrew’s eyes on him, he ran his fingers through the buzzed part of his hair. “It happens a lot.”

Andrew raised his eyebrows, but masked his surprise with another swig of whiskey. “Well, as payment for your sob story, I’m getting a free coffee.” He gestured the bottle in his hands to the still lit sign for the cafe. “And it’s just my luck that we’re here already.”

Neil sighed and fished his keys out of his coat pocket and unlocked the door. The lights flickered on in an instant and Neil plucked a gaudy orange bandana from a hook near the door before walking behind the counter. Andrew stood in front of the counter, looking up at the menu like he was actually about to order coffee at this time of night.  
  


“So, Mr. Minyard.”, Neil joked, leaning on the counter with a smile pulling at his lips. “Anything you’d like in particular?”

Andrew stared at him with one eyebrow raised, face pulled into a scowl. “Give me what I got last time. And no funny buisness.”

Neil laughed and shrugged out of his coat. “Whatever you say, Minyard.”

Andrew narrowed his eyebrows. “Don’t call me that.”

Neil gave him a thumbs up from where he was filling the blender.

In a matter of seconds, Andrew’s drink was sitting on the counter next to a stack of cookies wrapped in a napkin. “One caramel toffee frappucino for an Andrew Minyard!”, he called out, despite he and Andrew being the only ones present in the cafe.

“There’s no need to yell, idiot. I’m right here.” Andrew swiped his drink off of the counter and turned it around, like he was looking for something

Neil cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Am I forgetting something?”

Andrew muttered something unintelligible and stuffed the cookies into his jacket pocket. “Just get what you need so we can leave. I’m in need of more alcohol in order to tolerate your bullshit.” Neil laughed, a short breath of a thing, and Andrew had to bite down on his straw to restrain himself from swallowing the sound with his own mouth. He watched as Neil disappeared into a back room and emerged with both arms full of brown paper bags.

“What are you waiting for?” Neil nodded towards the door with a quick jerk of his head.

Andrew took a sip of his drink, eyes narrowed. “I’m waiting for you to open the door, dumbass.”

Neil groaned, but opened the door with a shove of his shoulder nonetheless. Andrew followed, making sure to turn out the lights before he slipped out the door.

“Why are you such an asshole, Andrew?” They were walking side by side, Neil’s head tilted upwards to peer over the bottle tops peeking over the tops of the bags. “Was it something I said?”

Andrew took a bite of the cookie he had taken out of his pocket. “It’s a personality trait.”, he said around a mouthful of chocolate chip cookie. “You haven’t done anything yet, so I don’t have plausible reason to kill you.”

Neil laughed, lips stretching into a wide grin. “I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or a threat. Most of the people I’ve met with the intent to kill me would have usually acted on it by now, so I don’t know if I can believe you.”

Andrew stared at the plushness of Neil’s bottom lip and thought about pressing his own lips to the curve of his cupid’s bow. Mentally chiding himself, he chased the thought away with a sip of his now warming whiskey.

The walk back to the apartment was a long and somewhat boring one, as Neil talked enough for both him and Andrew. He chattered on endlessly about random things, such as how his day had been, or an obnoxious drink order he had filled. Andrew smirked, thankful for the dimmed streetlights hiding his face, as Neil retold a story of how he had poured coffee on a young man who had been harassing one of his co workers to the point of making him uncomfortable.

“And then, I turned around with an empty coffee cup in my hand and a swollen lip, then lo and behold, Wymack’s giving me the evil eye.” Neil laughed so hard it shook the bottles in his hands. “I think I’m going to give every employee at the Den at least one gray hair by the time I quit.” Neil laughed, making the bottles in his hands clink together. “I think Wymack hiring me had to be the worst mistake of his career.”

Andrew twisted the top off of his whiskey and downed most of it’s contents. He then offered the bottle to Neil, who shook his head.

“I don’t drink.”

Andrew scoffed. “Well, that’s pretty evident. Why not?”

Neil’s eyes glazed over and he stared off into the distance. “The last time I had whiskey was when my mother had to stitch my stomach shut. I’ve gotten too used to the burn to like it anymore.”

Andrew raised his eyebrows, but hid his surprise behind the whiskey bottle. “Hm. A truth for a truth?”

Neil looked at Andrew like he had just offered to pluck Neil’s arm hairs out of their follicles one by one.

“Why would you want to do that?”

Andrew discarded the empty whiskey bottle in a passing trashcan. “Because you’ve been telling me your whole fucking sob story and I don’t want you walking away thinking I owe you shit, because I don’t.” He shook a cigarette out of the pack in his pocket before lighting is and sticking it in between his lips. “So ask away, maestro.”

Neil hesitated, cold eyes focused on the cherry red end of Andrew’s cigarette. “Why did you-” He swallowed hard, gulping down air like a drowning man greedy for survival. “Why did you snap me out of my panic attack back there?” Neil looked down at his shoelaces, voice small. “You could’ve just left me on the sidewalk. I would have snapped out of it eventually.”

Andrew placed his hand on the back of Neil’s neck, squeezing hard enough to to get the boy’s attention.

“Listen here.”, he growled. “I helped you because I’m not that soulless that I would leave someone on the side of the road. It’s not because I like you, or even tolerate your existence. I did it because you would have died otherwise. Understand?”

Neil nodded, eyes trained on Andrew’s like a lifeline tying him to life itself.

Andrew pushed Neil away by digging his fingers into his cheekbones. Neil stumbled a bit, but regained his balance before he toppled over. He stared at Andrew in a way that sent chills down his spine. Andrew turned his head to avoid the feeling of being examined.

“Stop looking at me like that.”, he muttered.

Neil looked like a deer caught in headlights. “Like what?”

Andrew took a drag of his cigarette and held the smoke in his mouth, wondering how he could keep it there before the toxins killed him. He released it through his nose, watching Neil’s doe eyed stare follow it up to the stars.

“Don’t look at me like I’m some sort of messiah come to deliver you from hell.” His voice was scratchy from the smoke, so he decided to take another drag to make it worse.

Neil was watching him with newfound fascination. “I didn’t know you were religious.”

Andrew snorted. “I’m not.”

“Oh.” Neil didn’t sound as surprised as Andrew thought he would be. He sounded oddly relieved, for some reason Andrew didn’t want to get into.

Their walk ended thankfully after that. Neil’s garishly large apartment complex loomed in the distance, the vines weaving around the base adding a sort of charming feature that made Andrew question Neil’s taste in well, everything. Neil took the stairs, ignoring Andrew’s raised eyebrow after he mentioned living on one of the top floors. Surprisingly, he made it up before Andrew did, and he was bouncing on the balls of his feet near the stairwell. Andrew stepped out of the elevator, scoffing at the clear “no smoking” signs taped on either side of the doors.

“So, I was hoping that you could come in and have a drink?” Neil wiggled the bags in his hands, eyes hopeful.

Andrew stared at him from the corner of his eyes. “ I would, but I have something to do on the other side of town.” A lie, not a very good one either.

Neil deflated like a sad puppy. “Oh. Well, I hope you have fun doing whatever it is you’re doing.” Andrew rolled his eyes at Neil’s blatant obliviousness. The pair stopped in front of a door, which was painted the same obnoxious orange as the neon lights at the Den. Andrew could hear laughter and music from the other side, making his stomach curl. Neil held a bag out to him, and he took it wordlessly so Neil could get his keys from his coat pocket. He unlocked the door, then took the bag back from Andrew and pushed the door open with his shoulder. Andrew followed him and they, but most likely Neil, were met with cheers of varying volumes.

“Neil!” A tall man with curly hair stood up and drunkenly draped himself over Neil’s shoulders. Neil’s body language, slightly hunched shoulders and a stutter in his speech, showed that he was somewhat used to it, but was still uncomfortable with the contact. Andrew felt the weight of the knives in his armbands, then wished he hadn’t been so suddenly aware of their now familiar pressure on his forearms.

“You doe-eyed, red haired, savior!” The man took a bottle full of amber liquid from the bag and cheered, pressing a sloppy kiss to Neil’s cheek. “You saved me Neil!”

Neil chuckled and pushed the man back onto the couch where another girl was sitting. “Kiss me when you’re not drunk, Matt.” He looked over to Andrew and flushed in the darkness. “You’re, uh, welcome to leave if you’d like.”

The girl on the couch laughed and leaned over Matt to coo at Neil. “Don’t send your boyfriend away now, Neil. He can have a drink if he wants!”

Neil stared at his shoelaces, red spreading to his ears. “No, it’s fine Dan. Andrew was just leaving.” He muttered something else beneath his breath, Andrew’s ears catching the words  _“not my boyfriend”_

Another curly head peeked over the top of a couch, the grin all too familiar. “Andrew?! Little cousin, is that you? I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Andrew froze, every bone in his body screaming _run, run, r u n_. Sitting on that couch was his supposed to still be in Germany cousin, Nicky Hemmick. If Nicky was here, then Aaron would be as well, since Nicky would have most likely been of age to be Aaron’s legal guardian a few months ago.

Renee pushed Nicky’s head down, eyes searching Andrew’s face for any signs of a panic attack. Andrew averted his attention away from her and the bored looking blonde leaning on her shoulder,  to a picture on the far wall, the careless curve of Neil’s mouth in the photograph sending sparks through his belly.

The silence was broken by the sound of a beer opening. Everyone turned to see Neil taking a sip from a brown glass bottle, unaware of what was going on.

“What?”, he questioned. “If what’s going on is what I think it is, I’m going to need to be under the influence of something to keep up.”

Nicky laughed, an awkward sound that tapered off into the pressing silence.

Andrew groaned and grabbed a beer from the bag Neil handed to him.

Guess he wasn’t leaving after all.

 

**Author's Note:**

> in this au, neil has already gone through the torture from riko at evermore, but he was kidnapped instead of going willingly since in this au andrew didn't go to palmetto. the scars he has from riko are to a greater extent, as are the ones from lola and his father. but, in this au, neil got some of the therapy he needed so he isn't as closed off as book neil is. andrew, however, is less apathetic but more closed off than book andrew because he never met neil earlier in his life, meaning he has yet to experience neil's pipedream qualities. so basically, nicky, aaron, and andrew never went to palmetto. nicky graduated and moved to germany with erik, aaron graduated and is now dating katelyn and they live together, and andrew lives alone(but not for long ;) )
> 
> next up: shit hits the fan, we meet kevin, and maybe jean and jeremy  
> -
> 
> wow i had a lot of fun writing this! i'll be co-posting this on my tumblr @miny4rds if some of you would prefer following it on there instead, but for reference if you do so: parts i and ii = one ao3 chapter!
> 
> feel free to leave comments, kudos, or advice!


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